Tariffs Chomping Down on our Bottom Line

Brothers, sisters, and fellow sufferers of sticker shock, lend me your wallets and your wits!
I stand before you not just as a man from Canton, Ohio, nor merely a former commander-in-chief, but as the ghostly preacher of protectionism past! I have seen the glory of industry, I have seen the beauty of a strong steel mill, and I have seen the tragedy of a nation so busy biting its own tail it can’t taste the apple pie in front of it!

Now, I still love a good tariff when it’s aimed like a rifle and not swung like a frying pan in a tornado… but hear me today: if you make an Ouroboros out of your economy, all you’ll be eating is yourself — and you won’t even get seconds!

📌 Why Tariffs Are Like an Ouroboros Eating Our Bottom Line

• They Feed on What They’re Supposed to Protect
  Just like the snake devouring its own tail, tariffs chew away at trade revenue and profits, even as they’re meant to defend them.

• They Hurt Exporters While Helping Competitors
  Retaliation from countries like China 🇨🇳 and the EU 🇪🇺 means American farmers, manufacturers, and tech firms lose customers — while rival nations grab our market share.

• They Raise Consumer Prices
  Tariffs increase import costs, which roll downhill onto the everyday American — making groceries, electronics, and cars pricier. That’s the snake swallowing its own dinner money.

• They Squeeze Corporate Profits
  Businesses that depend on imported components pay more, reducing margins and slowing investment — a slow economic digestion of our own prosperity.

• They Weaken GDP Growth
  Analysts estimate tariffs have shaved 0.5–0.9 percentage points off 2025 GDP growth. That’s like the snake lopping off its own tail and wondering why it’s shorter.

• They Create a Feedback Loop of Pain
  Higher prices lead to less spending → less spending slows growth → slower growth fuels more protectionist policy → back to biting the tail.

🎩 Preacher McKinley’s Closing Benediction

So, my dearly beloved congregation of commerce, let us be wise as serpents but not hungry as them! Tariffs can be the righteous fence around our economic garden — but make them too high and too wide, and that fence will curl back on itself and start eating the very harvest we meant to protect!

Go forth, America, and put down the tail! Bite into opportunity, not your own bottom line. And may the only circles you draw be those on your profit charts, not in your trade policy.

Can I get an AMEN, and maybe a free-trade hallelujah?