Money is the root of all Time travel
Don't toil travel worship the Holy Dolla! by Reverend Unimpressed Ben!
A Holy Roller’s Guide to Buying Your Future Back One Dollar at a Time By Holy Dolla Practitioners
First let's say a prayer to our government overspending debt now at $37trill ($104,000) per person. Dear Holy Dolla please pay down 2% per year for 50 years to relieve us this foul slavery.
Dearly beloved Dolla lovers,
We are gathered here today in the name of compound blessings and holy convenience, to testify to a truth so powerful, it’ll bend the very fabric of space and budget:
Money is time travel.
Not theory. Not metaphor. Not some sci-fi fantasy from the Book of H.G.. I’m talkin’ real-world, God-blessed, gospel-confirmed time-warping every time you tap that debit card Zoom!
🚀 CHRONO-ECONOMIC PRINCIPLE #1:
Money Takes You Out of the Past
You see, back in the ancient days—around 9:30 a.m. last Tuesday—folks were doing everything themselves. Mowing their lawns. Washing their cars. Kneading their own sourdough with tears and regret.
But then! Glory hallelujah! Someone opened the app and said, “Let there be TaskRabbit!” And there was convenience, and it was good.
Why? Because when you spend money on a service, you ain’t just buying labor—you’re warping out of the past where you had to do it yourself! You are stepping out of the land of toil and into the promised land of delegation!
⚙️ CHRONO-ECONOMIC PRINCIPLE #2:
Money Buys You Back the Future
Every dollar you spend intentionally is a little chronological miracle.
You pay for a meal? That’s 90 minutes of your life returned to you hot and seasoned.
You hire a cleaner? That’s 3 hours of mop-swingin’ turned into 3 hours of peace and Netflix-based healing.
You outsource your taxes? That’s two weeks of cursing TurboTax turned into praise dancing by April 15th!
You’re not spending money—you’re redeeming time. You’re rolling back the clock on your schedule and leaping forward into your best self!
🛸 CHRONO-ECONOMIC PRINCIPLE #3:
The Broke Soul Lives in a Loop—The Free Soul Leaps Through Time
Let me be clear: money don’t make you better. It makes you available.
Available to your purpose.
Available to your people.
Available to that nap the Lord’s been calling you to take since 2019.
You see, poverty traps you in chores, in delays, in Do-It-Yourself damnation. But money—used right, not hoarded like Pharaoh’s gold—breaks the time loop! You ain’t stuck. You’re freed!
⏳ FINAL WORD FROM THE PROPHET OF PRODUCTIVITY
So next time you hesitate to spend $50 to save 5 hours, ask yourself:
“Would Future Me thank me... or smite me?”
Because the truth is, saints:
Money is a time machine.
And every wise transaction is a leap forward.
Use it right, and you’ll arrive early to your own destiny—rested, blessed, and freshly dry-cleaned.
AMEN, and pass the Google Calendar invite! 🙌🕰️💳
