“Are we Socialist: What Does the Money Tell Us?”

By Rankled Raja Roosevelt 👻🇺🇸

At the Fireside 🔥📻

“Friends, Comrades, Countrymen — and by countrymen, I mean taxpayers — lend me your wallets. I stand before you from the great pennyless beyond to tell you the truth: America, whether you like it or not, has been partially socialist for quite some time. And no, I didn’t start it — but boy, did I give it a nice shiny New Deal bow.” 🎁

Before Me (The Proto-Socialists) 📜

• Abraham Lincoln (1860s): Gave us the land-grant colleges and the Transcontinental Railroad. That’s right — taxpayer money to teach your kids and lay track across the prairie. 🚂📚

• The Progressives (Teddy Roosevelt & Wilson): National parks 🌲, trust-busting 🔨, and even the income tax 💵 (hello, 16th Amendment!). Don’t blame me, folks — Teddy was the one hugging trees and busting monopolies like they were piñatas.

Then Came Me (The New Dealer-In-Chief) 🎩

• Social Security (1935): “Congratulations, America — you now have retirement insurance, paid for by your paycheck. It’s like a piggy bank you can’t raid until you’re old and cranky.” 🐖🪙

• WPA & CCC Jobs Programs: We put people to work building dams, bridges, and trails. Translation: we hired folks to dig holes and fill them again, but with better landscaping. 🛠️🌉

• Banking Safety Nets: Glass-Steagall and the FDIC. Because nothing says “socialism lite” like making sure your bank deposit doesn’t vanish when the stock market sneezes. 🏦🤧

After Me (Socialism Sneaks Further In) 📈

• Medicare & Medicaid (LBJ, 1960s): Uncle Sam is now your doctor’s co-signer. 🩺💊

• Food Stamps & Safety Nets: From Nixon to Obama, both parties stuffed more programs in the federal basket. 🧺

• Bailouts (2008+): Socialism for Wall Street — capitalism for Main Street. Banks got the spa day, you got the bill. 🏦💆‍♂️➡️💸

What the Money Tells Us 💵🔎

• Roughly half of the federal budget today is spent on “social insurance”: Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and safety nets. 🚑👵

• Defense and interest payments eat another huge slice. 🍕💣💳

• The rest? A sprinkling of roads, parks, and congressional coffee budgets. ☕🏛️

Farewell 🎙️

“So don’t kid yourself, America. You’re already half-socialist — just without the accent. You’ve got capitalist stock markets 📈, socialist retirement checks 💰, capitalist billionaires 🚀, and socialist corn subsidies 🌽. It’s a buffet — and you’re eating from both sides of the table.

And if you ask me, that’s the most American thing of all. 🇺🇸🍽️”