H-1b the new Tech Overlords?

“I Opened the Door… and Out Popped the Tech Aristocrats”💼👑

By Lamentin' Lemon Lyndon, Former President 🇺🇸, Amateur gigolo 🎤, and Reluctant Godfather of the H-1B Elite 🛂

LBJ’s Confession Booth 🤠📜 ( Not the confession you were hoping for "what happens in Dallas stays in Dallas"🔫 😳)

Anyways, howdy folks. 🎩

It’s me, LBJ — the man who signed the 1965 Immigration Act 🏛️ thinking I was inviting the world’s tired 😓, poor 💸, huddled masses 🤗. Turns out, I also sent a gold-leaf invitation ✉️💛 to every future Google engineer 👨‍💻 with a master’s degree in “Making More Than You” 💰.

I wanted melting pot 🍲.

I got fondue fountain 🫕 with reserved seating 🪑 and valet parking 🚗.

The Rise of the Upper-Crust H-1B Crowd🥂💳

Back in my day, “immigrant success” meant opening a diner 🥧, selling pie 🥧, and retiring with a Buick 🚙. Now? These folks land in America ✈️, code for six months ⌨️, and suddenly they’ve got stock options 📈, a kombucha subscription 🫗, and a startup called QuantumBagel 🥯⚛️.

How to Spot the Tech Aristocrats🔍💼

1. Wardrobe – Hoodie 🧥 and jeans 👖, but somehow worth $900 💵.

2. Work Visa – Technically temporary 📄, but in Silicon Valley it’s the golden ticket 🏆.

3. Income – They earn triple the national median 📊, but somehow “still renting to be flexible” 🏠❌.

4. Side Hustle – Building an AI 🤖 that builds better side hustles 💡.

5. Networking – Brunch 🥞 is for networking now, not pancakes 🍽️.

My Immigration Act in Action📜➡️💻

I said, “Come on in, we’ve got jobs!” 👋💼

They heard, “Come on in, and please, take all the jobs with nap pods 🛌 and free lattes ☕.”

And don’t get me wrong — these folks are talented 🏅. But watching a fresh-off-the-plane software architect ✈️💻 negotiate a salary higher than the President of the United States 🇺🇸💰 makes me wonder if I should’ve slipped in a “don’t get richer than me” clause 📝.

Here is my Regrets😅📉

• I thought I was building bridges 🌉.

  Turns out, I built a skybridge ✈️ from Bangalore straight to Palo Alto 🏙️.

• I wanted family reunification 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦.

  Now we’ve got families reunifying at Tesla’s shareholder meeting 🚗📈.

• I wanted the “best and brightest” 💡.

  I forgot the “rest and modest” need jobs too 🧑‍🔧.

But Hey, America Loves an Elite🏆💼

Let’s face it: H-1B upper crust folks are just playing the American game 🎯 better than most. They’ve got:

• Job security 🛡️ – Can’t get fired without also getting deported ✈️? You bet they’re loyal employees 🤝.

• Global leverage 🌍 – They can move to Canada 🇨🇦 or the UK 🇬🇧 and still make bank 💵.

• Stock options 📈 – The 21st-century land deed 🏡.

LBJ’s Final Thought🤔☕

If I could do it over 🔄, I’d still open the door 🚪 — but I’d at least ask for a cut of the IPOs 💹.

Until then, y’all save me a seat at the kombucha tap 🫗. I may not be a tech founder 🖥️, but I’m the reason they’re here, and I think that earns me lifetime free Wi-Fi 📶.

Moral of the story: 📚First of all I'm LBJ I have no morals! But if I were to...

Be careful what doors you open 🚪 — someone might walk through with a MacBook Pro 💻 and a business plan 📑 to own half your zip code 🗺️.😂