🦁 Roosevelt vs. the Pink Slip Trust 💼✂️

“Brothers & sisters of the Republic 🏛️,

When 85,979 workers get the pink slip in August 📉✂️, when nearly 900,000 jobs vanish this year like coins down Wall Street’s couch cushions 💰🛋️… I say to you: this ain’t ‘market forces.’ This is the Pink Slip Trust at work — pharma lords 💊, finance barons 💵, and robo-overlords 🤖 all teaming up like some unholy Avengers.”

📊 The Ugly Facts

• August 2025 job cuts: 85,979 (⬆️ 39% from July).

• Year-to-date: 892,362 (⬆️ 66% vs. 2024) — worst since COVID lockdowns 🦠.

• Worst offenders:

  • Pharma 💊 (mergers, “efficiency” 🙄).

  • Finance 💵 (cutting humans, hiring calculators).

  • Tech/AI 🤖 (machines in, people out).

• Hiring plans: weakest August since 2009 🕳️.

• Private payroll growth: only +54,000 jobs 🐌.

• Unemployment claims: creeping up like raccoons in your garbage 🦝.

🦁 TR’s Diagnosis

• Big Biz is juicing stock buybacks 🍾 instead of paying workers.

• AI is firing humans faster than you can say “ChatGPT" 🧑‍💻➡️🤖.

• Tariffs 🎯 + budget cuts ✂️ = companies freezing up like a deer in headlights 🦌💡.

• Wall Street loves “short-term profits” 🍟, but Main Street needs “long-term jobs” 🏗️.

🔨 Roosevelt’s Remedies

1. Bust the Job-Cut Trusts 🏦✂️

   Tax firms that fire thousands while buying back stock 🚫🍾.

2. Square Deal 2.0 ⚖️

   Free retraining for AI-displaced workers 🎓🤖.

   New CCC: Civilian Construction Corps → build homes 🏠, bridges 🌉, and solar farms ☀️.

3. Regulate the Robots 🤖🔧

   “AI Antitrust Act” → no firing half your office unless your algorithm can shovel coal too. 🪣🔥

4. Tariff Tune-Up 🎯

   Stop slapping tariffs like ketchup packets at a barbecue 🍔. Use smart, worker-first trade.

5. Corporate Responsibility Code 📜🕵️

   Companies must publish a “job impact report” before mass cuts 📊.

   Workers on boards 🪑 so CEOs can’t just say, “Oops, we outsourced you.”

⚔️ Outro

“Friends, this nation will not be run like a company town with pink slips for currency 💸✂️. I busted the trusts once 🦁🔨 — I’ll bust them again, even if I have to wrestle a robo-banker 🤖🤼.

Remember this: the Square Deal means jobs, not just dividends. The Republic cannot survive if every worker fears the CEO more than the grizzly bear 🐻.

Now grab your lunch pails 🍱, your hammers 🔨, and your moose antlers 🦌 — because the fight for the American worker is just beginning!”